legacycentral bbs

I wanted to know what people thought of the practice of talking negatively about people in your social circle behind their backs. Basically, what I'm talking about is how some people talk shit about other people whom they generally consider their friends. I don't like it one bit myself and I've always tried to only say things to others about someone else that you would say to their face. I was brought up with the idea that if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all. Sure, there are cases where it's unavoidable, like for example calling a friend who's been popped three times for possesion of crack a crackhead or an idiot. Generally though I don't think it's right to constantly backstab someone for their imperfections, after all, we all have them. On the flipside we all have to be honest but it always seems that certain people never have anything but criticism for those they call their friends.

What do you guys think?

...umm... Scott, is it one of us?

No, it's not one of you guys. It's one of my offline friends. I just wondered what everyone thought about it. If the thread is a dud that's ok, it won't be the first.

I've done it, but I try not to.

Sometimes it is unavoidable. Like it would not be socially acceptable to say something to someones face, so you vent elsewhere.

Sometimes, something isn't a big enough deal that you bring it up with the person and need to vent.

If it's just general bad mouthing and back stabbing, I don't really like that, and try not to do it.

Phil, you don't seem like a gossip monger to me at all. It's definitely true that you can't avoid talking about people but I guess what I don't understand is the capacity in some folks to always want to tear down their friends to their other friends. I guess it's just being filled with envy, loathing and mistrust that coagulates my consciousness.

Well, we all have feelings that need to be expressed about situations, know what I mean?

If someone pisses you off, you just gotta let it out, but it's sometimes a bad idea to let it out to that person. Espically if it's an isolated incident.

I don't understand how people can CONSTANTLY do that though. It's like Cheerleader syndrome. They do it to make themselves feel superior. What's funny is that it's just the opposite.

Who Scott, ya, I hear he likes it ITB

Everyone talks behind everyone's back. It's just human nature. The degree varies from person to person though.

Yes, everyone does talk behind everyone's back now and then and there's nothing really wrong with it if it's warranted. I guess what I'm saying is that there's some people who say mostly good things and build people up, emphasizing the positive while others, like Phil said, do nothing but tear people down. I mean, most people are the second kind from what I've seen, but not all. The people that have to talk shit are just fucks who want to find fault with others so that they can feel that all is right in their little world.

There comes a time, often with maturity, that one should to let go of the little gripes and peeves one has with another (friend) and look for the good in them too, not just the bad and how you're better or better off than they are. If I don't like someone enough to say nothing but negative things behind their back then I guess it's time to break ties with that person. The sad thing is that a lot of people won't do that as long as a relationship benefits them in some way. I have no time for backtalking disingenuous people and if someone talks about someone to me there's times I'll go to that person and say "So and so said so and so". I never used to do this but I just got sick of people being cowards. Plus, people I know were running to people I spoke of and telling them things I specifically said not to repeat. That warrants an ass whoopin in my book.

so you admit you like it ITB?

I have a policy in place- you start talking to me about other people that arent around, i will immediately tell them. Everyone knows i do this. I don't hear a lot of shit talking anymore, and if i do, it's because it's supposed to get back to them. I'm pretty good at not being involved personally with this kind of foolishness, so i haven't gotten bitten by it yet.

Wow, I re-read what I wrote before and it was a bit long winded. Sorry for that. I just try not to backstab people and if I can I do the opposite. I don't go for it, nuff said.

rallitektech wrote:so you admit you like it ITB?

I must be dense. Do you mean in the back or in the butt? I dislike the one and I'll never know if I'd like the other.

It's IDP. In Da Pooper.

Im just messin with ya man.

The whole gossip thing is a bit highschool IMO.
It seems to me that guys, in general, tend to grow out of it. Probably partially due to getting their ass kicked a couple times. I dont think women ever grow out of it, its just what they do, their always in competition with eachother.

IDB

In Da Butt

LaureltheQueen wrote:IDB

In Da Butt

Was waiting to see the definitive . . . uhm. . . definition.

I always talk about people behind their back and smile to their face. Keeps me in touch with my feminine side.

Steve

for sure. We ALWAYS used to do that through middle school. Then I realized how catty and mean girls were, and limited my female friendships to approximately 3 girls. Made my life significantly easier.

All the cool women I've met have only a few girl friends.

Steve

My group of friends are the bestest. If I have a problem with something they do I'll tell them. Sometimes they get quiet for a few mins but then they realize that im not telling them to hurt them but only to try to help them.

I like to think they would tell me if they had a problem with something i do but everytime I ask they cant find anything.

If your true friends, confront the person and get it sorted out. A lot of times words get mixed up in the storytelling and it can ruin a good friendship.

rallitektech wrote:Im just messin with ya man.

The whole gossip thing is a bit highschool IMO.
It seems to me that guys, in general, tend to grow out of it. Probably partially due to getting their ass kicked a couple times. I dont think women ever grow out of it, its just what they do, their always in competition with eachother.

It bums me out a little that my friends still do that stuff. When it really starts rolling I'll even find myself doing it but I feel like shit afterward. I just can't help thinking that when I'm not around it would be me they're finding fault with. It makes me feel....alone. Especially since I have nothing but my friends. *sob* (not self-pity just an observation) If they were upstanding folk I'd be happy as hell cuz I have quite a few of 'em but a lot of bad vibes is a poor replacement for a small slice of bliss.