legacycentral bbs

So, the soon to be ex has been treating me like crap while I give, give, give. When she saw my new car she said "so, this is my half of your retirement?"... Using my kids against me, all that.

Today, she totaled her car that I got her, 2004 Explorer Limited. My 3 yo daughter was in the car, she is fine thank god, and my ex is ok too but shook up. I'm glad she is OK....

I can't help think though that this is a little Karma coming back on her for how she is treating me. Since she kicked me out of MY house and started treating me like dog shit, she has had a long string of bad luck and it seems to just be getting worse. She just put a ton of money into this car in the last two months and now she totals it. Damn shame, it was a nice ass car. I feel bad for her too because she really liked it. I can't help feeling bad even though the way she treats me I shouldn't care. This effects my kids too so that bothers me even more.

Anyways, I just find it strange that everything was great until she blew up on me, kicked me out, sicked a lawyer on me, treats me like shit, then her life starts to fall apart.... Ironic.

Coincidence,really.

Not irony, or coincendence.

She is trying to deal with a new life also, the same as you are. Pressure and tensions are high at these times in life. Mistakes and missteps seem exaggerated and more frequent at these times, while they are understated and overlooked during "the good times".

Wish you luck...sounds like she's about to ask you for a loan.

I have to agree she's probably going to be asking for money now.

Good thing is, the reputation of Audi is a ready excuse that you're broke. Yeah, yeah, I know I keep beating that point up, but it works to your favor in this case!

I'm fortunate to never have dated a woman that wanted to beat me up after the relationship. I think they're just happy enough to never see me again!

PRENUP!!

not helpful but im with you on the karma

Demands a portion of you retirement, kicks you out of your house, and sicks a lawyer on you? Sounds like basis for a great relationship. What do you get in return for all this?
I know things can be more complicated, but if you don't have a good foundation to start with where does it go from there?
There's no such thing as coincidence.

And, nice ass Explorer? As in Ford, Explorer? Oxymoron.

epicfail wrote:Demands a portion of you retirement, kicks you out of your house, and sicks a lawyer on you? Sounds like basis for a great relationship. What do you get in return for all this?
I know things can be more complicated, but if you don't have a good foundation to start with where does it go from there?
There's no such thing as coincidence.

And, nice ass Explorer? As in Ford, Explorer? Oxymoron.

Well, we were together 15 years, married for 12.....

What do I get out of all this? Alimony, child support, loss of my home 3/4th of my property lost and a headache for at least the next 15 years until my youngest turns 18......

And yes, it was a nice as FORD. Car drove awesome for an SUV, had full DVD with surround sound, leather, 3rd row seat, 17" wheels, tow package etc... It was a nice ass car. If I was going to have an SUV for me I'd go with a yota of some sort but that's the car she wanted and it was nice.

She has already been asking for money (not car related) and I am sure somehow this accident will come back on me financially.

Since we split up I have been giving her $2,750 a month on average ( I am not legally obligated to do this at this point, it's out of the kindness of my heart and to help my kids) and it's not "good enough". She always wants more and I am a horrible person.......

Steve, keep it up and I am going to drive up for a visit, take you for a ride and turn that frown upside down.

Sure, just don't ask me to wrench on it when it breaks! But you don't need an excuse if you want to drive up here. I'll buy the beer.

What bothers me most about the Audis, and it's the newer ones I'm familiar with, is that they look good and feel good, are really almost my kind of car for a daily (except for the heft), but are so badly engineered underneath and the electrical systems such a nightmare. One of my best friends loves the newer ones and keeps buying them in spite of the absolute nightmares they've all been. He says he's done with them every time he gets fed up and, yet, another one shows up in his driveway. I think he's looking for the Holy Grail of a reliable one in the way that one of my sister's friends who never knew her dad went around fucking all these much older guys apparently trying to find the one it felt too icky with and realize it was her father, but my friend would have better luck with a mid-80's Jaguar. My sister's friend finally got over her quest. I don't want to know if it's because she just abandoned it, got past it, or ... 'found' her dad. She would have been better off with a mid-80's Jaguar, too.

my advice:
Get YOURSELF a lawyer and stop giving your money away. Its not helping your relationship with your kids letting them watch you get taken advantage of. They will respect you in the long run. I'm sure they see what their mother is doing to you and how she is breaking your heart while she breaks your wallet. Let the courts decide how much is fair. you are probably better off than you think but you are thinking with that marshmallow heart of yours at the moment.

some smart guy wrote:The past is the past, the future is now

magicmike wrote:my advice:
Get YOURSELF a lawyer and stop giving your money away. Its not helping your relationship with your kids letting them watch you get taken advantage of. They will respect you in the long run. I'm sure they see what their mother is doing to you and how she is breaking your heart while she breaks your wallet. Let the courts decide how much is fair. you are probably better off than you think but you are thinking with that marshmallow heart of yours at the moment.

some smart guy wrote:The past is the past, the future is now

Very good advice!

When my ex & I finally moved out. Things stringed along for a little while, but I had to break all ties, no talking to her. I still won't take her phone calls, and yes the psycho bitch still calls me (we broke up in early 2008). She called over this past Thanksgiving when I was in WA. I didn't take the call and deleted her voice mail without listening to it.

Well, she lied to me tonight and is doing xmas eve with her family and my kids and didn't invite me/ wont let me come. she also informed me that she doesn't want me to come to xmas dinner tomorrow night with her family. We all had Thanksgiving together with her family and we got along great. She says she cant be around me cause its too raw right now. She told me she wasnt going to her families cause she had santa stuff to do and was still tore up from the wreck but she isn't home and everyone is at her brothers, I know she is there (rental car there). I am not stalking, I just want to see my kids on xmas eve. she told me the kids were with her sister so they could be with cousins (she has a huge family and they're all real tight) but she is there with my kids and I am alone. Plus, I am from Oregon and my entire family is out west so, I have no one here out east. So, I get to go over to my house early before the kids wake up. Do presents and breakfast and stuff, then I have to go home when they go to her famlies. This isn't right, she does not have sole custody of the kids and we have joint legal custody. She shouldn't be able to shut me out from my kids like this on xmas. I can't just take them though cause they love all their cousins and are super tight so, I would be denying them of that and I would be the bad guy. By exluding me, she is making me choose between not being with my kids or me exluding my kids from all the family they know just so I can be with them. I want to be with my kids but I do not want to hurt them or keep them from having all the fun with her family. If I had them, we be alone in my little ass apartment I got and they would be miserable and that's selfish of me... .. I don't know what to do but I am sooo hurt by this I can't even put it into words. I do not deserve to be treated this way, I am a good father and a good person. I don't think I can ever forgive her for treating me this way. I love her, not in-love but love her, she is the mother of my children and was my partner for 15 years, but this has put a huge hole in my heart that I don't think could ever be repaired.

I'm rambling, sorry. I think maybe I'll just go see if I can drink my self to death or at least bury the pain in pills and alcohol........

Maybe you could look into this place:

http://www.dadsrights.org/

Unfortunately, I think your only real recourse is through the courts. Being the guy, there's almost nothing you can do otherwise that can't be twisted against you, so you'll need to pretty much go through a lawyer for all interactions. It's disgusting that things had to go that way, but that usually seems to be the case. All the good guys I've known who've gotten divorced got fucked and the abusive pricks got away with everything.

You'd be welcome up here, FWIW. I had a friend on my couch for 3 months, so it wouldn't seem weird at all. Plus, my family has a skewed idea of "weird" in comparison to most. They are like me, after all.

I can't even imagine how you feel Matt, but it pisses me off to hear your story and that women have the upperhand when it comes to shit like this. Too bad she can't just see your post above, it seemes to pretty much put it all out there and maybe she could see a little more clearly. FWIW, I'm alone on Christmas too, plane tickets were too damn expensive!

Some of it is down to traditional views of women being more natural parents, but I put much of the blame for the shaft dads get on the large number of scumbag guys out there, like the guy who calls himself my dad (and he's nowhere near as bad as many of them), who made it so easy for the system to become this biased against all men.

But I agree that your kids are probably well aware of what's going on. I knew my mother was too good for her husband as long as I can remember back. Through my writing, I was recently surprised to find that I harbor some resentment towards her for making me and, later, my sisters the center of her existence instead of living for herself and getting rid of the douchebag she married (though she had tried—anti-stalking laws were not what they are today and she has issues with enabling that I, thankfully, do not). It's also likely a large reason I hated being a kid and so strongly value independence and am disgusted by dependency. That certainly doesn't let dear old "dad" off the hook—I always felt little but disdain for him. Still, I suppose I wouldn't have wanted it different for myself, but for everyone else it probably would have been better if she had married someone else. Anyway, I'm figuring some of this out now, but the feelings were always there. Kids are more perceptive than most people give them credit for.

Damn...DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT.

I hate it when anybody gets f'ed for being nice. It is true, what Steve said, if you want to not get f'ed you are almost required to be an a-hole. I'm not wired for constant a-hole mode, I can be one but it is not on my nature, and yes I took it in the shorts in my divorce.

Head games suck, and I don't like playing them, but I learned from my ex. to play them pretty well. One thing I learned is to use her lies against her. If she were to have told me that she was at home and the kids were at her sisters, I would have thought it an opportunity to deliver Christmas cards to her family and see my kids at her sister's place and not have to see or interact with her. If she is there when you show up, just say, in front of every one, how surprised you are because, "you said you were at home". Sickening, yes, but she can't just do as she pleases at your expense anymore, right.

Well you were with her for 15 years, you don't need lessons from me. You know her well enough to hold your own. You just need to keep a cool head and do it. Like me, you probably just don't want to be a jerk, that's why I had adopted the afore mentioned technique. Uncomfortable? Yes, but if you have a descent relationship with her family they will see what is going on. If you do nothing, I can almost guarantee she is telling them stuff about you that makes you look like a dick, a pussy, a pushover, pathetic loser, or whatever she can to make herself look like good or like the victim or whatever she wants them to believe.

Anyway, what part of Oregon are you from?

I do wish you a Merry Christmas and hope things start to work out more evenly for you and her, but especially the kids!

i think this chick has another problem and has choosen you as an outlet for her frustration/guilt
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im not harping on your girl matt, shes got you in her sights for all the wrong reasons and the more i read the more im convinced she is holding you responsible and she s probably exhausted as a result
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i bet she thinks that if it feels good then its mustent be right- because she feels guilty for somthing IMO

+1 ^^ on a Happy Holiday bro and may only the best come to you and yours

Michael

Thanks for the support guys, I appreciate it. Pretty emotionally spent right now, very rough holidays..... Hopefully next year will be easier.

Robert- I was born in Ashland and grew up mainly in Eugene and did a few years in Medford too. I still have family in southern Oregon and Sac-town/ Bay area....

legacy92ej22t wrote:Since we split up I have been giving her $2,750 a month

Jesus Christ! Most of the people I know don't even make that much in a month. I make $3,000 a month myself. I couldn't imagine giving somebody over 90% of my income each month but I assume you must be making substantially more than me to be able to afford to lose that kind of money each month.

Hmmm, you could sell the car to a friend for a dollar and then they could lend it to you indefinitely.

legacy92ej22t wrote:Sac-town

Woot!!!!


haha.... But seriously, sorry for your troubles bro. Hope your kids are ok those situations are always super tough on the wee ones. My sister/bro-in-law almost split earlier this year and my nephew's (age 11 and 10 at the time) went through a lot. They grew up way faster than they should have. good luck