Do you ever feel that....

[Legacy777]

...your days and weeks just start blurring together and you really don't know what fucking day it is any more. I swear this has been happening more and more lately with me. I just can't seem to get any projects finished or do the things I want. It's just sickening....and hell I'm a single dude with no kids.....I can't imagine how people with kids find time to do anything (well I know the answer to that....they don't)

Oh well....just my little rant for the evening.....that and I hate houston Anyone know of any jobs outside of Houston

[mikec]

I get that alot during the summer. I know how crappy the feeling is. Its even worse because I end up basically cut off from the outside world, so I have no idea what's going on outside of where I'm working.

Nothing like culture shock from a 7 week job.

[Yukonart]

It's called a rut.

Laurel and I were kind of in one, of sorts. Wasn't the reason we broke up, but it was something we both noticed once it happened.

Now we make a point to get out and do things we don't "normally" do, even if it's just hanging out in a new location. Doesn't have to cost money, but sometimes it's not a bad idea to spend a little to try something you wouldn't normally spend the time or money to do.

[LegacyPunk]

You just described the last two years of my life, just one big blur, and it seems to be speeding up. kinda weird.

[Legacy777]

Art,

Yeah I would definitely say I'm in some form of a rut. I've tried doing some new things, going to some new places, meeting new people.....and either I'm doing them completely wrong, or I just don't care for them either, because it just seems to go back to the norm.

I believe a lot has to do with my location and job, and the fact I get bored very very easily. If I look back at the past 5 years or so, I went through college, moved to memphis...really didn't like that, then moved down here, lived in jersey for a 3month stay, and worked random positions throughout the company. IMO, I've run out of spots that interest me and challenge me. Solution....get the fuck out of dodge! It however isn't that simple, since I have 401k & pension issues riding on the fact that I need to stay with this company for 5 years. I've got 3 1/2. So it'd be to my best interest to stay here another 1 1/2 years.

Maybe I can just get out of Houston some how....

[Legacy777]

You just described the last two years of my life, just one big blur, and it seems to be speeding up. kinda weird.

Yeah I definitely think it get's worse as you get older. The past years out of college have just flown by, and it's only going by faster.

[legacy92ej22t]

hell I'm a single dude with no kids.....I can't imagine how people with kids find time to do anything (well I know the answer to that....they don't)

It's very, VERY hard to do anything. Just getting out the door to go to the store is a chore. I think the only thing that helps me keep track of time is the growth of my kids. Even that though is like "when the hell did Sierra (my daughter) get so big?" For me it's not so much days that blur together but months. Years fly by without even a kiss goodbye and leave me feeling like a cheap hooker. I mean, wasn't the whole Y2K thing just a couple months ago? It sure feels like it...

[WRXdan]

I'm almost 30, 23-28 flew by!! I have a house, wife, 2 kids, and cars that hate me. Personal time is not an option. No time to do what I want...but hey that's the trade off for having a family. It's well worth it. I remember the days of sleeping in...mopping around all day....spending massive amounts of money on junk:)

I have a small oil leak on the legacy (stupid oil gauge plug), I literally got 2 bolts out when I needed to go back inside to help with the kids. 4 hour projects turn into 2 day projects.

I have a great wife, great kids....my car can wait.

[tris91ricer]

*sigh* I envy all of you. There are people like myself who are lonely, sad, and for some reason, still single. I'm an okay-looking guy, I have a steady job, I'm above average in intelligence, and I can relate to anyone --especially women. My car is now my life.. I lose sleep when its not working right, but I know that there are things more important. I would love right now, to have a family that not only loves me, but a family that I could watch grow.
I'm tryna work things out with my whore of a soulmate these days, but all good things come to an end.
I welcome the blur that so many of you complain of, as it hides the anger and frustrations of everyday life.
Yes, there are the typical worries -- money, relationships, and of course, cars.. But you guys have LIVES, real, actual, LIVES that mean something and have people that would really miss you if you weren't there.
Some of us, like myself, realize our own worthlessness, and only when it comes down to it, do we have people that will put up a fight when we try to do something about it.
Matt - Watch your kids grow, ask them questions, its amazing what goes thru their heads these days --things you'd never have thought of when you were their age. I got to experience this firsthand when my first job was as a daycamp counselor.
Dan - Time is of the essence; Its good that you realize the tradeoff, you're well on your way to balancing it all out.
One of these days.. I'll have what you guys have, and I will welcome the occasion.

In the meantime, I'll hit the clubs, fuck without condoms, drink 'til I drop, smoke 'til I cough, and wait for destiny to slap some cuffs on me and make me say: "Ow! Officer, they're too tight!"

[legacy92ej22t]

I thouroghly enjoy my kids, they're just growing up too fast is all. I want them to be little for ever. But new doors always open up with their growth too. My daughter played T-ball this past summer and is playing soccer right now. Her soccer team is in first place and I'm a very proud pappa! My son is almost ready to walk and is in EVERYTHING. Hehe, little boys are a whole different story then little girls.

I understand the 'trade off' too and wouldn't trade my kids for the world.

Sleeper- I don't know how old you are but I know that a lot of people feel the same way as you. I say enjoy being single and live life hard and fast. There will always be time for a family later. Live your dreams, no matter how small or large, and everything else will fall in line.

I don't think your 'worthless' either. You have friends here on the bbs and we'd miss you if you weren't here.

[tris91ricer]

Thanks, Matt. Yeah, I live by the "better to live cool than to die uncool" saying.. so I do what i want.. but i also have other issues. btw, I'm 19, just barely graduated alternative HS, and have absolutely no college prospects. (you can imagine the heat I'm getting at home for that one..)
I've really been all about living my dreams lately, as I've been acutely aware of just how much time i have left to really start building my life. I hate feeling so old at 19. Really, knowing things and working with middle-aged people sucks.
Part of it makes me wish i could go back to the days of riding around on my mountain bike, or my scooter (yes, i admit it, i had one of those japanese scooter things..) and take calls on my prepaid, untraceable cell to go and make some deals with people who needed a hookup.. good thing for rural america, eh?
But I gotta grow up sometime, and "face the music", which unfortunately sounds as real, and unfinished as a wu-tang clan rap. "Those are the times when I'm not depressed"

yup.

So.. I take my emotives (APC fan, as well) and focus them on other people; I have a retarded friend I've known since JH, and I've grown to love him like a little brother; so its cool, i kinda get to teach him things; take him out of his clamshell-life and show him the world, both the good and bad, and I think that's helping both of us a little bit --his benefit is more obvious, but I find that teaching him things gives me another perspective, and it seems like I could apply alot of what I experience to what I'd like to be able to do later. (Raise kids, family, etc..) But with my luck.. I could be the best parent in the world by not having any kids. I'll have all this experience, ideas, and no one to really share/apply it with.
Ah, I'm bringing you all down. I'll stop now.
Back to the Cars!

[Legacy777]

Tristan,

Try not to get too down. Our lives...well at least mine isn't that fun and action packed. It's really quite boring. It is what you make of it, however I come to the point sometimes where I've tried and tried, and get fed up with trying to either a) fit what everyone wants to do, where I say fuck it, and do my own thing, which makes me more of an outcast. I don't really mind, however I really think certain people gel together, and you'll find similar people living in similar areas. My personality and interests don't gel with what the majority is here in houston. We've got more fucking restaurants, and stupid shops. I could care less.

Just because your life goes by in a blur doesn't necessarily mean it's better. I haven't really decided whether I want kids or not. Right now....If someone asked me if I wanted kids right now, I'd definitely say no......and I've six years on you. So you have plenty of time for the whole family thing.

[evolutionmovement]

I stopped caring about what other people thought when I realized I sucked at sports and didn't care (though now I watch football). For some reason or other people like me, but I can't seem to get laid. I think most women can't figure what type of dude I am so they back off anything beyond hanging out. I need to find another one that has a brain to go with the face and ass and doesn't want kids (or else maybe I'll get fixed on the sly - "Oh I don't know honey. Maybe we'll just have to keep on trying.") , but until then I'll try to get as much writing done and get my car where I want it. I think the most important thing they should teach in school is some way to get people to find out what it is they really enjoy that they don't need anyone else for. I'm grateful I have cars, writing, and misc. projects as a lot of people out there don't have that. They may get laid way more than me, but I don't feel empty.

Steve

[Legacy777]

yeah I need to get laid more too.....

I agree though....I really don't think most woman know what to make of me. So they just move along......

[tris91ricer]

Thanks. Yeah, I think Gore had something going, and had he become president, our children would have been taught in school to learn to explore themselves in ways we weren't allowed to.
(His Assistant, Naomi Wolfe, was an advocate of teaching "self-pleasure" in sex-ed)

I've come to the conclusion that in order to have a successful relationship with ANYONE, you have to be happy with yourself, first and foremost. If you don't like you, then how can anyone else? I'm just in one of those 'ruts' where I'm not so happy with myself, and really unwilling to change, anyhow. So its all on me. But sooner or later, you get out of those ruts.. and then things start to happen. Like today, for instance. At lunch, while I carefully counted out my change to put in my gas tank right after work, I prayed to the lord that I won't have to do that as often as I have been... Things change when you ask for it and/or least expect it.

Strangely enough, for being raised catholic (which probably is the start of all my problems) I've had my schism with the church, and now I'm starting to talk to God more on my own... weird.
I'm thinking its the right time for my schizophrenia to start coming about, as I'm of the age; I've only been checked out once for that, but ...brains change. (well, that and alot of pot.)
No, I've been putting the majority of my angst and crazyness toward more musical paths.. I've gotten pretty good at Car-oke, (karaoke in the car) and for once, I've learnt to "flow" pretty well.. so it hasn't all been in vain. (well, except that i get extreme road rage)
Thanks for lookin' out though, you guys are a great, even if long-distance, family.

[Yukonart]

I was raised Roman Catholic, too. Let me tell you, if there's a way to raise a child that will hold their feelings inside and not want to explore sides of themselves they didn't know existed, that's definitely the way to do it.

Up until I finally got out of Catholic school, right before starting public highschool, I was the most withdrawn and introverted person I knew. Took me a couple years to break out of that shell. Took me even longer to build up a real and tangible amount of self-confidence. And a while after that, some real fucking courage. I don't hate my parents for raising me that way. . . that's more or less how they were raised, and I was never abused or anything. I simply became more self-aware of who I was after a while, and who I was definitely was NOT happy with who I had become. There are many other reasons why someone might grow up this way, but this certainly takes the cake, in my book.

Now, getting stuck in a rut is SO easy to do, no one should ever feel bad for it having happened. However, being made aware of the rut's existence is the only way for some people to really bust out of it. I know if I had been approached with this information sooner, things might have worked out differently between Laurel and myself. I'm not saying that things didn't work out well, hell. . . we're dating again and things are absolutely amazing. . .moreso than before. But it's possible the breakup might not have happened if we both knew a rut had been formed. At any rate, I'll be damned if I allow that to happen again.

Guys, the most sure-fire way to have a fun time and an interesting life is to LIVE THAT WAY. You can't just want it to happen, you have to make it happen. I consider myself a very interesting person, not because people tell me so, but because I make sure that I am. I've had a few of my friends call me the "head of the circle" (referring to the main circle of friends I'm part of) and I hadn't considered myself that before. I knew people liked hanging out with me a lot, and that I was always asked to go do things. . . all because I do what I can to stay dynamic, keep people guessing, and do my best not to remain static.

Okay, I've rambled enough. If anyone wants to hear more of my wealth of mainly useless knowledge, just shout.

[Legacy777]

Funny about the catholic school. I went to private/christian school all through elementary and half of middle school. This was mostly my dad's wanting after my parents were divorced.

Middle of 7th grade my mom moved and my brother and I went to public school. Honestly....if that move hadn't been made.....I probably wouldn't be hear typing this. I hated school with a passion. I'd tell my mom I didn't feel well, so I could stay home and not do some stupid play thing.

Once I got to public school, I had friends locally instead of rich snotty fake friends that lived 20 miles away. I actually did well in my classes and that made me want to do better. it took me most of high school to work on the introverted thing. It wasn't until towards the end of my senior year that people were like....Josh I had no idea you liked this type of music or did this, etc.

College was also a good outlet and change for me too. in some ways I feel I've slipped backwards, which I think is a combination of a lot of things, but it's something I'm aware of, and just need to bide my time to resolve them.

[Yukonart]

Totally. . . the thing to remember about "slipping backwards" is that it's sometimes necessary to take a step back before taking two steps forward. And there's NOT A THING wrong with that.

[entirelyturbo]

Okay, time for me to add my dark and depressing thoughts to the conversation.

I actually have a girl who's quite interested in me right now, we met on OKCupid believe it or not, and we've only met once in person. She's definitely different than the stereotypical bubbly giggle singer/songwriter blonde that I'm so sick of, she's 3 years older than me, and has already graduated college. Haven't tapped any ass yet, but who knows?

The fact of the matter is, I still don't think I'm going to go head-over-heels for this girl. I'm pretty convinced at this point that I'm destined to be single for the majority of my life.

This sounds obsessive, but it's because I love cars too much. I absolutely refuse to be that guy who had all these dreams and aspirations of having fast cars and maybe doing some racing here and there, and then gave it all up just because he supposedly met the woman of his dreams.

I seriously scratch my head when I wonder why so many people find it necessary to match up with someone so early, before they've even got a chance to experience the simple joys of singledom. We're all so young anyway, we've got plenty of time to goof off before we should start thinking about families.

Josh, in response to your original comment, I don't feel that way yet, because I'm not done with college, and I've still got plenty to look forward to. I do fear though, that when I graduate college and get a job, that I might get bored of doing the same thing all the time.

You always say you have such a wide variety of interests though, can't you find something else to do? I think most of us can agree that we get tired of cars 24/7/365, so most of us have different interests aside from that. (My only other one is music, yeah I'm shallow ).

One more thing that I find more and more fascinating every single day of my life: what is the horrible crime of being alone????

I'm completely alone most of the day, and while it used to bother me, I don't let it anymore. In many cases, I prefer it. For example, I loathe working with someone else. They distract me, they get in my way, and they never seem to do it right. I always work on my cars alone as much as possible, whenever I got a moment at work doing parts alone, I always feel like I got more accomplished.

When I'm by myself, I can do what I want, how I want, etc. etc. If I wanna walk around the house butt-ass-naked I can. if I wanna sing horribly in the shower as loud as possible, I can. I can play whatever music I want, I can cook whatever food I want, etc. etc.

Anyway, that's my input. I say that everyone needs to take some time to really figure out what they want to do with their lives, 100% independent of any peer/family influences, formulate a plan, and hold onto it with every last ounce of determination, never let it go.

[evolutionmovement]

I agree that everyone should spend a few years alone to figure themselves out.

I also went to Catholic school until 7th grade. Not wanting to get stuck with the 'dork' label I didn't talk to anyone much in 8th grade and then through HS did my own thing. I ended up pretty popular through no intention. Could it have something to do with the fact that I was alone most of that time? I don't know either, but I do know that I knew myself better than most and the most weren't alone.

My car is seriously like a best friend. I would rather spend time with it than most people and we seem to understand each other. All my Subarus were like this, but in different ways, but my 260Z and I didn't get along at all.

And because I don't care so much if this makes me seem weird ... I don't talk to God, but I do talk to some sort of guardian spirit. Over the years the voice has gotten easier to discern over the general thought 'noise' of normal brain workings. Sometimes he argues (a psychic/medium, which I went to for book research, told me without me asking that he is someone I was in a war with in some past life, but whatever, it's definitely a dude). He's warned me multiple times about cops and got me out of some situations I could've been hurt in. It's not like a schitzophrenic thing as it just suggests things and offers some spiritual guidance almost more like a more knowledgeable friend. Sometimes it makes jokes so I laugh at inappropriate times.

Damn spooks won't leave me alone!

Steve

[scottzg]

I wanna walk around the house butt-ass-naked I can. if I wanna sing horribly in the shower as loud as possible, I can.

And i want you to do all those thing! ...In florida. See, im an enabler.



I can hear yall on the rut thing. I've been out on my own for a while now, but now im living at home again and have no money and no job- just student loans that don't help enough. I'm here for school- i cant afford to live on my own and keep going to class- but it seriously impinges on my freedom; everything i do is because of the situation im in here. I can't wait for the semester to end.

I went to lutheran middle school, episcopal jr. high, and catholic high school. I, like my folks, am nonreligious. I really enjoyed the episcopal and lutheran programs. I've seen what it's like, Art and Josh- bummer.

[LegacyPunk]

yeah...ruts suck. Everytime I get out of one it seems like I just fall into another one, maybe thats just what comes with being an artist, I don't know. I have this feeling that Im going to have to move around a lot and that really isn't appealing to me, especially since I HATE cities: angry people, big ugly buildings everywhere, and bad traffic. It also sucks knowing that I probably won't find a girlfriend anytime soon. Wish I took a year off after high school so I could of figured some more things out, but now Im about a year and a half from graduating and just doing what I can with where Im at in life.

"There is only one path, and that is the path you take, but you can take more than one path" -Marathon Infinity

[Legacy777]

Michael,

The girl thing....yeah I found myself getting too involved too soon in past relationships, and I stopped doing what I wanted to do, etc, etc.

I will say though. If you find a girl that you just absolutely click with....don't let it go. Life is a compromise, and while you may love your car, it's still only a hunk of metal. That other individual will add far more to your life and its development. It may not be all happy times, but you'll be far more enriched.

As for the alone thing....personally I have no problems being alone. I've always been a loner for the most part, and have no problem doing stuff by myself. If I want to do something, and everyone else is doing something different, so be it. I kind of wonder sometimes if I were living with a gf or when/if I get married....will I have to stop doing all the things other people probably consider weird......hahaha



Scott....the thing is....I don't regret going to christian school, and having those hardships/issues. It's made me who I am today. I got a pretty good education through the private schools I attended. It helped me a lot when going to public school to accel. I also lucked out and attened a very good public school system. My graduating class had a bunch of super smart people. The valedictorian went to MIT, the salutorian went to stanford, out of the remaining top ten, the other people went to pretty big name schools too.


One thing I have learned and live by it pretty religously is to live your life and not regret the past. The past is just that, it can not be changed, so don't dwell on it. Use it as learning tool to adjust future actions/decisions. Tragedies and sorrow can be lamented, that's normal. But not taking anything from those past mistakes/trials/tribulations/and triumphs can be the biggest mistake.

Ok....I'm done

[tris91ricer]

I've been alone quite a bit in my day.. which is why i think i have to gravitate towards not-being-alone now.
Which brings me to another thought, Reactive Attachment Disorder, or RAD. I don't know if any of you have psych backgrounds, but the simplest definition of RAD i can think of is what describes the majority of people that i know...
Situationally, everyone views themselves as outkasts. (i have to spell it that way ) So when we're in a 'rut', and we're feeling down and out and oh-so-lonesome, its that twist of fate that brings someone into our lives. Well, really, we bring them into our lives and try our hardest to keep them there, regardless of the consequences. This brings us the ol' "Can't Live Without You" syndrome that people like myself become afflicted with, and its hard to realize that other people like us just as well, but we're too 'attached' to see it.
It's almost like the self-mutilation of your own loyalty. You take your loyalties that you've spread out over the years, and extended to other friends, and concentrate them on that one person who you're sure "saved" you, and "can't live without", so you end up later, Post-"I can't live without you"-syndrome with this feeling of being cheated, and violated, and you no longer want to trust anyone, let alone yourself. But you'll never trust yourself as long as you're alone, either.
So in all this, there develops an attachment to someone based on a reaction that they unknowingly provided, Hence, Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Long-winded, huh?
So.. I'm off to spend a weekend with my RAD enabler, we're going to get her hair did. She wants extensions so she doesn't have to do her hair everyday. For now, I'm happier straddling the fence, so to speak. Don't mind being single forever, and I think I might like it, but if this Ho wants a family, I guess I can't turn her down.. well, in this state, i should, considering she can take like 95% of my shit if'n she wants to ever leave me... damn divorce laws.
Thanks for the empathy. Nice to know everyone here is just as crazy as myself, and even catholic! I'm glad i didn't go to catholic school though, as i think i wouldn't be myself today, i'd be lost and locked up like Akon.