Farewell?

[tris91ricer]

My esteemed Legacy Friends-
I'm writing to you for what may be the last time for quite a while. While I don't intend this to be a long-drawn, dramatic sob-story,
I owe it to you, as my "friends" that you hear what's up straight from the horses' mouth..
Lately, things in my life have been shit, to be short. You all are my only social contacts, and mostly, my only friends, outside of my 'real-life' friend, who's autistic. Not much for intelligent company.
It's been almost 3 months since my car's been dead, and I've been in the lurch ever since. I knew this was coming, and still, I couldn't do anything about it, but, now that it's soon to reach its climax, you can hear about it.
I'm a terrible excuse for a human. I have no desire/ability to cope and adapt to my fellow human beings in any sort of fashion short of text, and as you all can clearly see, I don't come off very amicable there, either.
I've been contemplating 'voting myself off the island' for quite some time now, and after what's happened tonight, I've wanted to do it more, only to get to the edge and puss out. I'm too miserable to even jump.
What's brought me here started with my car, escalated with my love life, which is now in shambles, and again, mostly my fault. I can't seem to hold any kind of relationship with a person, plutonic or otherwise, for any length of time, and it's mostly one-sided, and I'm blind to what's really going on. I fell in love, fucked it up, and now I'm hurt.

Next, which is the clincher, is my career. As some of you know, I'm a receptionist at a local mortgage company, which is run by close friends, almost considered relatives. I'm kept on only as a favor to my mother, who is integral to the survival of the business. Although, what I'm about to explain isn't going to exactly ensure a long-lasting career...
There's this woman at work. I haven't slept with her, I haven't done anything illicit with her, short of planning my mother's murder, or smoking some weed with her. She however, has a crack habit. I knew this when she started working with us last summer, and by my calling her out on it, is how we became good friends. Most of you would find that wrong, and would stay away from that person. I don't have friends, so I take whatever comes along that's friendly. She's nice enough, has an okay work record, and good stories and experiences, however, she still has a crack habit.
Now, tying this into everything else, I've been trying to use her crack connections to score me a cheap handgun to blow my miserable head off. No joke, I don't really want to see next year. My future is not bright, and I've made some really shitty choices so far. There is no hope for anything stellar, let alone a new legacy.
...moving on, you can't trust a crack addict...
I come home this evening, after being out in the afternoon having an early dinner, a meeting, and some brews wtih a friend. My mother tells me that this lady's got the office all stirred up about me asking her to help buy a gun, so we can shoot my mother. (Her plan, she was hoping for a promotion, she's also gathering evidence that my mother has been harassing her at work. Lawsuit time. ) It turns out, she was so 'upset' over this, that she decided to sit down with my manager, our underwriter, and our processor to discuss me and 'my plans'. I assume tomorrow morning I won't have a job. That leaves me carless, loveless, lonely, and jobless.

I'm letting you all know now why I'm checking out:

I plan to beat this near fifty-year-old-moneygrubbing-crackwhore-ing-snitch within an inch of her life.
Only an inch, as she's barren, and has an adopted child who loves her dearly, and for some reason depends on her.
Feel free to call Gerald Horne, or whoever the KC prosecutor is, as this will be occuring in Federal Way.
I have no regrets, no qualms, and no second thoughts about this, even if I had a seven day waiting period. (hmm.. like buying the gun legally? )
This is not the first time a partner in crime has become a snitch, but this is certainly the first time I'm finally taking action about it. I've sat back and been too forgiving, it seems. I'm tired of forgiving people, when I never recieve forgiveness, and certainly no benefits from my social interactions.
So I've hit absolute rock bottom, and I can't even end my miserable existence because I'm too scared.
I apologize to any of you whom I've given advice to. You've asked the wrong man. Michael, this goes out to you. I hope all is well with you, though. This means I won't be checking my gmail, either.
Tommorow, after I collect my paycheck and get the cuffs off, I'm going to try to voluntarily admit myself to Western State. Those of you familiar with WA know what I'm talking about. The rest of you should just assume it's a mental hospital.
I'm not quite sure what will happen, with anything, right now. I'd love to find a way to auction off my cars to you all, in the pieces that they are.. but they're still good! I may have to sell them anyhow, to cover whatever costs I incur again, as I face the consequences of my years of repressed anger.

I'm sorry, to all of you.
You've been good people, good company, and certainly good teachers.

I'll miss you.


Goodbye for now.

..signing off.

[LaureltheQueen]

Tristan.... I can tell you now that there's people on here that care about you, myself included, and I can't imagine you doing this. Please don't.


And I also must advise, while going to a psych ward sounds like a good idea, DO NOT go to western state. My brother had very serious mental problems, which caused him to end his life, and he left his friends(many of whom he had not seen since high school) and family in shambles. My mother is still depressed about it over a year and a half later. Western State is a very serious hospital, it's likely that once you get in, you won't get out. Check yourself into a local regular hospital. My brother spent some time in St Francis while he was living in Federal Way, and the psych ward seems nice enough. Please keep in contact with at least me, we really DO care about you

[legacy92ej22t]

YA bro, chin up man. Things will look up, trust me. My life is in shambles right now for the most part but things are truely starting to look up a bit. When things get real bad they have to get better and if they do get a bit worse then just chalk it up as a learning experience and keep trudging. I care about you and would be very sad if you did anything rash. Please don't! You can e-mail me if you need to talk (write) about things. We're all here for you. You're still young and no matter how bad things may seem they will get better. Trust me. Think of the little things that bring you joy. Listening to music perhaps or playing video games. Depression is an evil thing and it can be hard but you gotta just keep on gettin' on man. It'll get better.

[evolutionmovement]

Man, I can totally sympathize. Don't do something that you can't reverse. Right now things look like you can recover from them, but nearly killing even a worthless crack whore will come back top haunt you forever (and I don't mean conscience-wise, more like trying to get a job or an apartment or anything or if some assmonkey acts up around the neighborhood the cops will look at you first). Plus if you beat the bag (er, uterus) out of her she may die accidentally like I guy I know of who shot his mouth off in a bar to get hit once and die from it. Poor bastard that hit him deservedly is going to trial for murder.

Anyway, what about just leaving? I know that wherever you end up you still have to deal with yourself, but maybe being away from what seems like an aggravating situation would help. I almost went to California when I was going through my early-life crisis, but stayed because of family. This is, however, where I got the idea for my first novel - what could've happened had I done just that? So now I have this writing thing which hopefully will pan out, but either way has helped me cope immensely with things. Point is, that you never know what might be around the corner or what will lead to what. The actual story line for the screenplay (later novel) came about when I did drive across country (just for a few weeks).

I don't know. I might be able to help you get set up in New York City through friends in terms of apartment and job if you're interested. I'd say Boston, but I couldn't find myself a damn job for a while and spend half my income on an apartment as there's nowhere else I can find.

Steve

[sullione]

Man, anytime I hear stuff like this it truely upsets me. I don't know you personally Tristan...or anyone one this board as a matter of fact but the people on this message board are some of the nicest people I come across. I truely feel that this is more than a group of people discussing cars and whatnot, but an extended family. Life can deal some terrible blows to us but all you can do is keep on keeping on. Don't let the "game of life" beat you. Reach out to you "family" and let us help as much as we possibly can. I'm in the military and have been stationed at the same base for 5+ years. I was really depressed for a while and I don't know how I would have made it without my wife and kids. I was never thinking of doing the "unthinkable" but it was pretty rough. I wanted to cry everytime I went to work. My family reached out to me and I let them help. Now I just got an assignment to Las Vegas and things are looking up. I only ask you to do the same, let us help you through this. Nothing is bad enough to make you take the most precious thing away that you have...your life. Try a change of scenery, take up a new hobby....anything to keep you going and don't hesitate to ask for help.

[dzx]

I think i'm gonna cry.

I've known many people ready to check out, myself included but sometimes its just better to continue and go where life leads you. It's very tempting to end
it all and never have to worry about anything
again, never be sad, never be hurt, but you miss out on everything thats good also. I try to apply the law of averages to my life figuring for all the shitty stuff that happens, an equal number of good things have to happen to even it all out and I take Lithium Orotate if i start to feel really crappy.

You probably shouldn't beat the woman, maybe poke her with a stun gun once for satisfaction, but dont do anything you would really regret later on.

Bottom line, you should explain what is really happening to your mom. Try to work things out and fix them and wait for something good to happen. Take some drugs too, I never thought they would help but i bought some antidepressants on accident and actually find them helpful. You can always end it later but you can't come back to life. If you can, try to fix things without a hospital otherwise there is a good chance you'll end up in extreme debt when you are better.

[BAC5.2]

Tristan,

You've been a great friend to me, and I've come to enjoy every IM message you leave me when I'm away. When I was down, you were there for me. I tried to be there for you, too. And right now, I'm going to try again.

Your a good man, and a great person, but more importantly, your a strong person. Your to strong to want to end things now, like this.

You think you've hit rock bottom, so the only way to go is up. Explain things out, talk to your mom, your boss, the police, everyone and anyone who will listen. Please. Get some help, and work things out. You are the last person I want to see get hurt, so please, reconsider.

All of us here at LegacyCentral are your friends. Please, let me know if there is any way that I can help you to help yourself. I beg you not to do anything harsh.

[jake15]

hey man, if you need anything, i'm not that far away. just let me know

[entirelyturbo]

No wonder you haven't replied to my email.

Tristan, don't do it. I have probably considered suicide more than anyone else on this board. Seriously. The thought of it took over my mind for a good part of my sophomore year in high school, and it has come back within the past 4 months. Now I've repressed it again and things are looking up for me.

I think the little message at the end of Back To The Future Part III was very good: Your future hasn't been written yet. You can make your future whatever you want, so make it a good one.

Most of us that frequent this board are less than 25 years old, and while we sometimes like to think we've come to the end of our rope, our lives have just barely begun. I keep mentally beating the shit out of myself because I've had hardly ANY relationship or sexual experiences at 20 years old, whereas some of my friends were certified man-whores by the time they were 17. But you know what? Big fucking deal. It's not like I'm pushing 50 and need to start taking Viagra or something. I've still got plenty of time to meet women, screw them, and maybe one day get involved with one. I have already told myself that I will not get married before 25, no matter how special she is. If she's that special, she can wait. I'm 20, who knows what could happen in 5 years??

As for this crackwhore and your mom, that's a tough one. Let's start with the chick: Just tell her something along the lines of you hope HRS takes her adopted kid away from her and puts him/her with a real family, that she remains infertile and never has the chance to ruin another poor child's life, then when she dies old and alone, that she goes straight to hell and burns there for all eternity. I know that may not mean much to some of you, but for me to tell someone directly to their face how I think they're worthless to society and don't deserve the natural resources they use up would be quite fulfilling to me.

As for your mom, you need to tell her that you have a problem. Tell her you are having serious issues in your life and yes, do tell her you're thinking about suicide. This sounds like pathetic begging, I know. But this will assure her that you really don't want to kill her and that you need help. And whatever help she finds for you, take it. Please.

I know things get tough sometimes, but you always manage to pull through it. I've lost both my parents for God's sake, and the loss of my mother is something so horrible I simply can't discuss it here, in fact I don't even want to think about it right now. But I know that neither of my parents want me to join them or go about the rest of my life feeling like shit that they're gone. They want me to continue on pursuing my goals, making something of myself, and enjoying my life. And while I was never too concerned about what my father cared, I really would like to make my mother proud...

Email me Tristan!

[Yukonart]

Tristan . . . Jesus, I should check the board more frequently . . . what the fuck?

I know you're young, and everything seems so impossible. It gets better . . trust me.

I'm 33 years old, not in the best of shape, but I do okay. . . and yes, I DID finally land a good job a few years ago. . . after years of trying. Most of all, after 31 years, I FINALLY came across someone I can love who understands me. Life is pretty damn good.

Guess what. . . up until about four years ago, things were VERY different in my life.

Let's see . . . my Junior year in highschool, I contemplated the very thing you are now . . . I didn't get laid my first time until I was 19 . . . then I made the mistake of marrying her. Took me several years to correct that mistake. . . and I'm still paying for it in a few ways. I've passed-up some great offers for employment in the past . . squandered most of my young adulthood on a life with someone who was addicted to pain medication and had absolutely NO ambition in life . . . and THOUGHT I was happy to continue a life like that.

How fucking stupid can a person be? I know. . . I was the stupid person. But you know what? I woke up, started changing the things I could in my life, and slowly things got better. I made a few more mistakes along the way (hell, I STILL DO) but I'm finally getting somewhere in my life I want to be. Only took me 30+ years. . . but I'm doing it.

You can, too.

What you're experiencing is short-term. . . trust me. You're young. . . you have yet to tap your potential. . . and learn how to cope with things you've never even thought could or would happen in your life. Mistakes are how we learn and grow. . . and you can either ignore what you've learned and lose-out on years of potential happiness. . . or you can take a step back, do what you can to correct what's going on now . . . and ultimately be a smarter person in the end.

Don't EVER give up your greatest freedom in life. . . . the freedom to choose.

I'm not trying to preach . . . that's what my dad does. . . . what I AM trying to do help you clear your head and think for yourself. What you're going through is no different than what most of us have / are / or will endure at some point in our lives. You situation is just. . . complex . . . at the moment.

Here's my number. Call me ANY TIME to talk. Ask anyone who really knows me. . . I'm full of good advice, and most-importantly. . . I'm an EXCELLENT LISTENER.

Art
206.310.2885

[skid542]

Tristan, I know I don't personally know you and yeah I don't know everything, but please don't this. I've had friends who were cutters and I've fought my own personal battles. Just don't give up, seriously. I've had those thoughts of ending things. I live a pretty solitary life, I have academic friends but only two people that I actually hang out with outside of the class room. I know what it means to give and give and give and yet not recieve. I've come to the realization that the good Lord put me here to be a helper, not a helpee. Like I said I know that others whom are much closer to you have already said not to and explained why but I can't stress enough how right everyone is. Things will work out. You just have to be patient (the biggest bitch of them all). If you do feel the need to seek help go to a regular hospital first as others have said. There is so much left in the future for you. Everything happens for a reason and your current situation is no different. You can beat this and life will get better. Please man, there are so many options to you other than WA. At least explore them first, if you've made mistakes before, so be it. We all do. But please reconsider. I consider this board my main social group and I would hate to lose a member such as yourself.

[Tleg93]

You've said some words to me before that lifted my spirits so now I'll throw some at you.

Tough it through man, don't give up and let those fucks win. Speaking as someone who has had a family member and two friends commit suicide (although I still meet people who tell me that my bro was murdered by the cops), I can say truly that it doesn't help anything at all. Even in the darkest pit of despair there's always hope and a choice to make. You can start your life over in a new place. Please consider this before making the wrong choice and by that I mean death. Don't worry, the reaper will come and get you when your time is up. Everyone has their day to die.

I had a friend threaten to kill himself one day. I took him by the neck and threatened to beat his ass if he ever said it again. The next week he tried and succeeded... It screwed me up for a year or so, even now when I think of it. Even if you only have one friend in the world you don't want to inflict that kind of pain on them. Do some things that force you to look beyond yourself to the world full of people out there that need your help to get by. Volunteer, do church stuff, anything to take your mind off of your troubles. Playing musical instruments does it for me and I can't tell you how many times I've been troubled and I've turned to something, anything to ease the pain.

I've also been there too. Back in middle school after my father died I felt like I was in a walking nightmare. I fought, bagged school, quit things I loved and got into a patch of trouble. I won't get too far into it but suffice it to say I was on the wrong path. The funny thing is that I can't say that anyone came along and stuck out a hand or that family saved me or even that I found god. The fact is that not a single fucking person tried to help. In the end it was all me that pulled myself up and not anyone else. I have a certain degree of pride about that, even if I lack self confidence these days. My feeling is that life is a constant battle against forces that eventually defeat you but don't go down without a fight.

[entirelyturbo]

The funny thing is that I can't say that anyone came along and stuck out a hand or that family saved me or even that I found god. The fact is that not a single fucking person tried to help. In the end it was all me that pulled myself up and not anyone else.

This is one thing that I truly must give you credit for. It makes it that much harder to decide to plow forward when it feels like no one gives a shit whether you live or die.

That's one of the things I had the hardest time with when I was going through some serious shit. It's like why should I consider other people when I ponder suicide when they don't give a fuck about me in the first place??

I'm bettering myself, and I really think 2005 is gonna be a good year for me, but if anyone asks me if someone inspired me or helped me through my tough times, I'll say absolutely no one, I did it myself. And I might come off as an asshole, but I'll only be telling the truth.

[stipro]

I dont know exactly what to say.........that being said, I dont know you, and for the most part people on this forum dont know me except for a few posts here and there. I think there is a reason why all of of us were drawn to this forum, not just for the love of our cars or similar interests, but did you ever notice that we all work together a help each other. I read your post and feel nothing but hurt inside. I had a girlfriend that tryed to kill her self, three times, all because of a rotten situation in her life, and me nor God could persuade her otherwise. The feelings would fluxuate and then POP!!!, she would try it again. That was 12 years ago, and you know what, things got better, what she thought was the deepest of the dark, was a beginning of new hope in her life. Please, its not worth it, you can tell yourself " yah what does this guy know?" and your right I dont know everything, and I dont claim to, but at least give your FRIENDS here the benefit of the doubt and bless them with you presence, they obviously all love you. You help everybody with no return of the same jesture, I expect nothing in return from trying to help. So this is for you, keep LIVING. Your friends need you.

[tris91ricer]

Hey guys, I'm back. For once, I'm glad you all got the wrong idea; I'm too scared to do anything about killing myself. ..but you all said some very uplifting things. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I'll be making a cake for the local meetup, if i can make it. You guys deserve it.
Weeelll... here's what's happened between now and my last post..
I took friday off. I left my boss a voicemail, telling her I wouldn't be in, and that she knew why.
After smoking myself silly (thanks, dzx!), munching to the max, and then working out all the pushups I could manage, I sat down with my bible for some answers. If there's one thing I learned from my church days, it's how to use my bible as a guide. I treat it much like you would a magic 8-ball; I focus on a question, and open it up to a random spot, and read what it tells me. I got to the part of focusing, then the phone rang. It was my friend Chris, the 'slow' one.
I told him all about why I wasn't at work, and he suggested, much like everyone else, that I just go back like nothing happened. That was good enough for me. Not the truest word of God, but nonetheless useful.
I called my insurance, and found out that I can only see an approved list of providers for Mental Health, and inpatient institutions are only covered for 8 days, max. I decided that wasn't enough time for me, so I said fuck it.
I spent the weekend doing next to nothing, except for a meeting with my ex..
We sat down at Starbucks, and hashed out what needed to be said, which, in short, was that she can't be in a relationship with me right now, regardless of our situation because she's quite busy at school, taking a full load this semester. On the plus side, we both agreed that sex with other people wouldn't be the same, and that at least I will be saving myself for her.. She told me I could tell her about other girls I'm interested in, and can always call her for help, if I needed it. ..and to give other women a chance. I hated that part.
Now I'm back at work. I went and 'apologized' to my bosses, who were VERY understanding, and one of them even patted my head on the way thru the door this morning! I think they're all a bit thrown by me..
What's funny is that I can't even legally tell my boss about this lady's crack habit, nor can I tell her son when he calls for her in the afternoons when he gets home from school. Poor kid's dad smokes weed in the basement, with his band, and the kid complains.. I wonder what he'll think when he finds out mom does something worse. ..And it's not like this woman does it alone; she has this mongoloid-lookin' friend (you know the type; they look like they're trisomy-23, but they ain't.) who makes a living by stealing from Wal-Mart, Costco, and Fred Meyer, all places that have orders to seize and arrest if seen on the property. She has 16 shoplifting priors, in addition to general theft wherein she does the usual pawn-shop dance, or takes merchandise right to her 6-figure crack dealer, who trades groceries for dope. It's ridiculous how this goes on.. apparently the cops are paid on this one, as I've been told.
We've all seen this friend in the office dozens of times for general reasons, mostly her showing up to ask her friend for dope cash. For some reason, this lady puts up with it, bitches to me about all of it, and then sticks up for her crack-fiends when I try to do something about it. (I called Seattle PD Narc dept, since FedWay is 'corrupt'.) She got angry over that one, saying that they're her 'friends', and that I was a snitch. That was awhile back, but apparently she don't want help.
So, i'm back on the grind now, having 'swallowed my pride', and gotten my job back.
I've entered another 'highs' phase of all this, which are becoming more frequent, but I still hit my lows in the afternoons when I walk home from work, and think about things..
Do I think too much?

All the same, I love all of you, and I appreciate your thoughts. I'm proud to call all of you my extended family. (Even though many of my friends and family say you're all pervs with sick motives, trying to lure me into some situation where you can ass-rape me. I told them they couldn't understand, apparently you have to own a Subaru Legacy. I truly believe driving the right kind of car makes all the difference in your life. SOA Marketing needs to read this board more often, then give all of us the controls for designing the next Legacy.)
Gotta get back to work, but I can't thank you all enough!

[BAC5.2]

Damn, that's good to hear buddy. I'm glad things straightened out, and I couldn't be happier that you are feeling better about all of this.

Did you speak with your mother about everything?

Dope is a bad thing to get involved with. If it were me, I would just try to absolve myself from is at much as possible. Narc if you must, but just try to keep yourself safe. You never know what good intentions will come back and bite you in the ass. I'd consider seeking, at least some, professional help. While not professional, anytime we happen to catch eachother online, you can always come to me to vent and get things off your chest. Just shoot me an e-mail if you ever want to talk, or ever need anything.

BAC5point2 (at) gmail (dot) com

Just let me know if I can help man, I'm here for you.

On another note, I'm sorry your friends and family don't understand. It MUST be a Legacy thing.

[Tleg93]

Ass rape you...... whoa dude! I think I'm more frightened of what you family says than your run of the mill crack whore nemesis. There's no ass raping going on around here. Driving like a raped ape perhaps. I'm glad to hear that I was way off base with my post. It sure was a blinger. How do you like my antisocial rants now??? Hehe, most of it is truly felt but please allow a little swing room for the fact that I'm more calm in person than when I post. Posting brings out the felon in me.

[tris91ricer]

I understand, Scott..
Thanks, Phil, your thoughts mean something as well.. I appreciate all of you!

Scott, seriously, move here~!

Okay, leaving work, get to go home!

buh-bye!

[skid542]

Glad to hear you're still around and walking on two feet. Just keep your head up and walk proud, you've pulled yourself through some tough shit.

And for what it's worth - save my best friend, nobody else understands my Legacy obession.

[evolutionmovement]

Cool. Glad things are up or at least tolerable. I wouldn't need to ass rape anyone - this is MA, gays marry legally here (and yet the world still turns) so there's a selection if I were so inclined (I think it would be easier for me if I were).

Steve

[Yukonart]

Well, Trist. . . make it to whatever meet we can muster-up. . . I think it would do us all just as much good to see you as it will you to see us.

. . . and chocolate, please.

[legacy92ej22t]

Tristan, dude, I'm really happy to see you post! I was getting a bit worried. I'm glad things are already starting to look up a bit too.

[snowboarded]

Hey Tristan, you might not know me personally, but know that I care. I'm glad to hear that things are looking up a bit. In your post you said that you opened up the bible and flipped to a random spot and started reading.
That is most definately the best thing you can ever do, especially when you are having any problem.
I am an avid bible reader, I study the bible daily. There is nothing more comforting than reading a book that was made specificaly for your benefit by someone who truly loves and cares about you. Reading and meditating on what you read does more than just make you feel better at the time, it helps you prepare for future problems that you might come across. If you get a chance look up 1 Timothy 4:6 and Psalms 1:2and3. Take care of yourself and feel free to email me if you need to talk.

[tris91ricer]

Me too! I've been exercising, working on the car,(cleared TWO sets of headlights, corners, and now I'm customizing the grille for the 92) and going to bed early, in addition to cooking HELLA, and doing all the things I love, other than driving and smoking pot.
I'm all out now, so I think I'mma keep it that way for a few days/weeks/months, and see how it goes.. it may be time for a break anyhow, as some things just weren't meant for daily use.. and certainly not as an escape routine. (I have other 'escape routines', too, but those are psychosexual, thus, harder to break. Thanks a bunch, Freud, you asshat.)
Like Dr. Phil(McGraw, sorry Phil!) says, I need to replace one bad habit/action with a healthier, positive habit/action, instead of just abstaining.. otherwise I'm lost and useless. Action is always better, right?

I'm thinking about a Black Forest cake for the meetup, which would be dub-layered, with cherries, homemade whip cream, and lots of frosting. Sound good, Art?
Or, I have my mother's cake recipe, which hails from way back in WWII, where ingredients were tight. It's good, but we never put frosting on it. ..and I know some of you are probably spoiled, and need frosting on your cake.
Either way, they're both chocolate. Heck, I may make both! The Black Forest is the only time-intensive one, the other takes ~10mins prep, 12-15 to cook.
I better stop the cook-talk 'fore you all think I'm a little.. you know , which, I'm not.

Oh, and steve, I was telling my uncle about your offer in NY --that was when he said y'all would try to kidnap me and I'd end up spending the next 6 years tied to a wall in some homo's apt in NY, suffering from elephantitis of the asshole.
My whole family has very SKEWED perspectives of things.. apparently when I tell them the REAL truth, they call me delusional, and remind me that I'm "damaged goods", and that I'm the skewed one.. sometimes they just don't understand. Other times, I think they do understand, but they lie to my face, and tell me to bend over to someone else's will, like I have no control over the situations I put myself in. Then they wonder why me and my cousin smoke so much weed..
It's nothing against you guys, though. I know the truth, and I enjoy being "wrong" about lots of things, esp when it comes to you all.

[evolutionmovement]

Do they have any idea how many gays there are in NY? There's no need to make slaves of anyone for that purpose. Plus I doubt gays would do that - there's a reason they're synonymous with shirking violence.

Steve